My daughter (now 14) loves making presents and some of the things she has made for me at Christmas or for my birthday are among the most precious things I own. It’s not just the effort she has made, or the quality (or not), of what she has made but often in doing so she, unintentionally, gives me windows into my parenting of her.

A few years ago she made me a little painted ladder out of wood and string (see the picture to the left). On each step of the ladder she had written something that we do together that she loves. Here’s the list:

1. When you call me silly things
2. When you put me to bed
3. When you sing to me!
4. When we listen to audiobooks
5. When we watch TV
6. When we play games
7. When we are together
8. When we travle!!! (*I don’t think I corrected her spelling straight away)
9. When we swim together
10. The little thing displaces the big thing (*She’s the little thing & she tries to push me, the big thing, into the ditch on walks. It never works)

Here’s the thing about this list. None of them are difficult to do. I don’t sing well but I’d sing a simple song (‘Thank you Jesus for loving me’ is the one I remember doing most) to her at bedtime (#2).

None of these things require much money, planning or preparation or skill and yet it creates a picture doesn’t it?

I’ve a thousand different silly names for her, but they are her silly names. Every so often I ask her if she’s tired of it, does she want me to stop messing around with her, ‘Never’ is her repeated answer. We’ll see how long that lasts.

If this shows anything it is simply that the commitment to regularly showing up in my children’s lives is worth it. We do stuff together when we’re at home. There is only one TV in our home and in general screens are not taken to bedrooms. Our lounge and kitchen are the social spaces of the home and we do two things most families can, or already, do: we play games and we watch TV. I’d suggest always playing games before you watch TV together.

We listen to audiobooks in the car, I have one that I listen with just her, another when it’s her and her big brother, and sometimes another we listen to as a family.

Some of the things are steered by the kids, they often choose the games for example, but other things are steered by me – I might choose the books. There’s physical activity (walking #10, swimming #9), adventure (travel #8), silliness (#1 & #10), there’s brain activity (#4) and no brain activity (#5) and there’s relationship all the way through.

This is basic Dad Skills 101. Engage with your kids, make it fun, keep it simple, build the platform of trust, relationship and fun that you trust will serve her for as long as you’re around.

If we want to add a spiritual element then it’s this – God always shows up to us as Father, in the small moments and the large. He is with as we do ordinary things, present to us through His Spirit, filling all in all. Anything we do as good parents is but a beautiful shadow from a very wonderful light.