Branislav Tesanovic lived & worked in Sweden for 50 years. A retired metalworker he lived alone in a small apartment in Stockholm and he marked his 78th birthday on the 9th March 2016. His finances were stable and he paid his bills. Branislav probably died at some point between the 10th and 11th March. No one realised he was dead for 3 years 8 months and 8 days. When the police came in to the apartment the radio was still on. How could no one know he had died or notice his absence for 3 years 8 months and 8 days? Branislav achieved in death what he had never known in life, people knew who he was. He became known as Stockholm’s loneliest man and a symbol of lonely Sweden.((https://www.svt.se/nyheter/granskning/ug/se-historien-om-mannen-som-blev-symbol-for-ensamheten))

It’s an extreme case but it’s not a unique case. There are hundreds of thousands of people in Sweden who are termed, socially isolated. The pandemic has only increased this for many thousands.((https://ensamhetskommissionen.se/ensamheten-i-sverige/))

You could be tempted to think of this as a problem only for the elderly (which of course it is) and if you’re not in that age bracket then you could check out. But here’s the thing, it’s something that changes as we age. For many people they get lonelier as they get older. There seems to be an age where what seems incidental becomes a pattern that becomes a trend that becomes normal. It becomes hard to shift. The age of that risk group where the trend seems to set in – is for people in their 30s. 21% of all Swedes live on their own; 40% in Stockholm. Maybe you’re one of them.

And there’s a paradox because despite being surrounded by people it is easier to feel lonely in a large city. And all the people you see who seem to have friends only makes your feeling of not having friends worse. In an Aftonbladet article called the ‘The world’s loneliest people’ a 37 year old Swede called Nina said “The hardest thing is to be let into a group, people seem to think their social lives are ‘full’.”((https://varldensensammastefolk.story.aftonbladet.se/chapter/ofrivillig-ensamhet/))

In Sweden people have fewer and weaker ties to family. So Filip Fors, a researcher into this area says, “In Sweden, we are not tied to the family in the same way as, for example, Italians”. And Swedes have a bit of trouble with marriage. There are 25,000 divorces every year and the average length of a marriage in Sweden is just 11.5 years.((https://www.statista.com/statistics/523949/sweden-total-number-of-divorces/)) All of which adds to people living on their own and here’s the key thing ‘valuing friendship’ highly. If you’re not close to your family and separated from your partner then it is friends that are needed.

This highlights something about what we are as humans, how we’re made, how we work, what is good for us. It also has a spiritual dimension that the Gospel speaks into and redeems. And it gives us clues as to what the church should be and how the church should work.

We see it in Genesis where God says, “It is not good for mankind to be alone”. The word Adam is used as a proper name but around 500 times it is used as the word for humanity or mankind. Even when there was close fellowship with God we were still made to be in relationship with others. To be connected. 
The importance of connection with other human beings is so strong that it is noticeable in our bodies and health.

Studies show that people who regularly attend a place of worship have lower blood pressure, less mental illness, lower risk of heart attacks and less likely to be hospitalized. They flat out live longer.³

On one level this observation that we are social animals is nothing particularly profound – you can simply open your eyes and observe people. But as Christians we believe that humans are made in the image of God. So what has friendship or relationship to do with God? In the Islamic idea of god – God is alone, stands above and beyond, he has no needs, he cannot be dependent.

But a Triune God, an eternal God of three persons united in love, as part of an eternal fellowship is something else. And that this God would make us to give and receive love, to be caught up into fellowship is so core to who we are. One of the most well-known and ancients prayers of our faith is: “May the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, and the love of God, and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with us all, now and evermore. Amen.”

Friendship is something that the Gospel brings to us and creates the conditions for community. Remember one of the accusations against Jesus was who he was friends with ‘Tax collectors and sinners’ (Mt 11:19) which is good news for us. That Jesus eats with those who are not perfect, that Jesus goes home to the people who have made mistakes, that Jesus welcomes in those who have secrets in their past, that Jesus accepts those that have been rejected, that Jesus reaches out to those who struggle. That’s good news.

That Jesus then tells us in John 15:13, “Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends” and then he does exactly that. We can see the offer of reconciliation, redemption, forgiveness and of friendship in the outstretched arms on the cross. And we show Jesus our friendship by following in His ways, obeying his teachings.

The word Muslim is an Arabic word which means “surrendered to or submitted to God” and in one sense all Christians can say they too are muslims, but to be a Christian is to say something more which no Muslim dares to say. To be a Christian, to trust in Jesus Christ, is to be able to say, “I am friend of God”. Jesus says, “No longer do I call you servants for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you.” To believe the Gospel of Jesus Christ, the lamb of God who takes away the sins of the world is to receive an offer of friendship with God, to be received into the life and fellowship of God. That is good news.

And this friendship creates communities – called churches. Groups of friends and followers. So what does this mean for us? That to love God and to love people is to ensure not only that do we all take on the responsibility to welcome people into our services but to befriend them. To make room for them in our lives as God has made room for us. For them to know there is a place for them in our home as we know God has made a place for us in His.

We want everyone in church to know that they are loved by God and loved by people, because this hospitality, this generosity is a part of what it means to live out the Gospel.  That we will do our best, for our part, each one of us, so that no one would say that they are isolated. Now we cannot make people say ‘yes’, you cannot force friendship on people, but we can hold open the door and lay a space at the table for them. We don’t want to hear that people said, “It seemed like this group was full and there was no room for me” because God has not said that to us but instead welcomed us in with wide and generous arms.

Additional sources

• https://www.skr.org/vart-arbete/diakoni/diakonifokus-ensamhet/forskning-och-statistik/
• https://arenaide.se/ensamhet-som-dodar-ofrivillig-ensamhet-sverige/

1. https://www.scb.se/hitta-statistik/artiklar/2019/fyra-procent-ar-socialt-isolerade/ [↩]
2. https://www.svt.se/nyheter/inrikes/man-ar-mer-ensamma-an-kvinnor-men-de-pratar-inte-om-det [↩]
3. https://www.institutefornaturalhealing.com/2016/05/harvard-study-going-to-church-boosts-health/ [↩]