This is the fourth & final part of my personal review of 2015: Write, Read, Run & Lead.

Reviewing my own leadership is a tricky and sensitive business. I can survive a year where my reading or writing doesn’t go to plan or even recover from a bad year of running. A bad year of leadership is likely to have far more profound consequences on my life and the lives of others though. I’m also much more likely to give myself a pass simply because I might not want to face up to having done a bad job of it.

Honest self-evaluation means taking a deep breath and be willing to ask and hear uncomfortable answers to uncomfortable questions.

The easy bit is to be clear about my areas of leadership. I consider myself responsible for leading in three main areas: my church, my home and myself.

Now I’m not solely responsible for the first two – I’m a part of a growing leadership team in Grace Church and I’m part of a leadership team in my home that I like to call my marriage. But in both places I bring some leadership and play my part.

At home it’s clear that there were some areas that needed some attention – I was too often ducking out of regular family devotions, too often distracted, too often letting work encroach into family time and I knew it. I can make excuses, I work from home, I get calls at inconvenient times, I work several jobs at odd hours and so on. However leadership is, I think, fundamentally about not making excuses but seeing a situation and doing something about it. So I am.

The list is long & distinguished of areas that I want to improve in. When I look at the list I can easily feel discouraged and think ‘my goodness I am a shambles’ and yet when I look at our family albums, when I look back over the year I see lots of laughter, lots of fun, lots of growing together and a deep sense of gratitude and enjoyment in and for my family. It’s not all bad, in fact a lot of it is very, very good but that doesn’t mean it can’t also be better.

At church I’m also positive – last year saw the foundations of a leadership team being laid with good sense of friendship, unity and love. Yet there are always areas to learn from, places where I had been too quick to say ‘yes’ to something or had been slow to delegate. Although that is sometimes easier to say than it is to do.

2016 is about expanding that leadership team to a second layer, involving and deepening teams across the board. We’ve grown in many ways and so there’s a constant adjustment to new families, new challenges, new opportunities. There are signs of life everywhere and that’s a good sign but it will require a fresh investment in relationships and the raising up of fresh leaders. It’s good, but it can be better.

In the end though all four key themes in my life (write, read, run & lead) rest on how well I lead myself. How well do I invest in what I want to and say no to distractions? How am I growing in the fruits of the spirit? There’s no area of my life that wouldn’t benefit from a growth in kindness, gentleness or self-control say.

So am I being led by the Spirit? Am I allowing myself to be led? Am I, too, a man under authority? Am I coming under the authority of the Word of God? Am I listening to and humbly receiving the wisdom and counsel of others? Will I allow myself to be rebuked when I get it wrong and be encouraged when I’m getting it right?

All I can say is I hope so, that’s my heart and my intent. My desire to grow. For me being shaped by grace means I don’t live under condemnation for my many weaknesses and shortcomings nor take excessive pride in my achievements and successes – instead I can relax and say ‘It’s good but it can, with God’s help be better.’