I was recently invited to speak about the topic of Relational Discipleship which suggests there might be another sort which isn’t, anyway as I thought about it I realised there are a number of obstacles that we regularly bump up against that are perhaps more keenly felt in cities than in other contexts. See what you think.

The Calendar

Cities are busy places. People are busy, their schedules are packed, people don’t just have jobs but careers. Cities draw people willing to work the long hours, the extra hours (even in Scandinavia), the odd hours. That means many people may consider themselves ‘time poor.’ Meshing two calendars can require some serious heavy lifting. I think this is probably true of many people in many places but especially true in cities.

The Map

Cities are also almost by definition big places relative to what surrounds them. People do not often or always live near one another. If a church is being planned in the central area of a city it is likely they will then draw people from all over the city. It is hard to do relationships meaningfully with people when you first have to commute an hour to see someone. That sort of effort and planning excludes the spontaneous and limits frequency. Everything has to be planned which brings you back to the calendar obstacle.

The Future

Cities are also fluid places. There is a lot of movement, people come and go. Not everyone who comes to a city stays in the city. Students, business people, internationals all may be in the city for a short or indetermined length of time. This inevitably puts a sense of temporary to relationships. It’s a challenge to fight the urge to not invest in someone because they might be here today but gone tomorrow. Families may leave the city because of cost and move to the suburbs and look for the convenience of a more local church. All this makes relationships costly because there are frequent partings, frequent leaving and frequent ending of relationships yet we yearn for deep, lasting friendships and cities make those much harder to come by.

The Flat

Housing tends to be a significant challenge for many in cities. Budgets are tight, apartments are expensive. This tends to push people out to the suburbs if they seek to buy, or they are constantly moving if they are renting, or often they are sharing or in small places which are little more than a place to sleep. Now we know the Son of Man had no place lay his head but we do, and yet having homes that are hospitable and open to others is a significant challenge. The calendar, the map, the future, the wallet and the broom cupboard size apartments for some all work against people seeing their homes as a prime place to build relationships.   

We’re up against limited time and maximum choice.

The Market

Cities are full of choices. There is a far greater wealth of opportunity of things to do with your time. There are also, even in Scandinavia, more churches to choose from. That cities offer choice, of churches, of events, of activities, of places to live and work are part of the reasons why people want to live in cities in the first place but in a consumer age – the church prayer meeting really is up against it. We’re up against limited time and maximum choice.